Sparking joy in my life

I'm new to programming, I'm new to the industry, I'm young, I have no clue what I'm doing. I only recently finished my degree, a little over 1 year ago in fact. I already had a job before I finished it, so life didn't change much when I completed it. I went through an extraordinary first year taking an idea from thought to market in 6 months with a small team. In my second year, I bounced around small little projects which is the life of a consultant. Yet the whole time I felt somewhat restricted, you create what someone else wants you to create. This is great because I don't have to think about what features should be introduced, how they will be implemented, all that bullshit. I just grab a ticket and run with it. I searched for a creative outlet, something that could both take my love of programming and stretch it in a new way, something very far from creating another API or another web application. Whenever someone said, "Hey what are you working on at home?" I would say not much, because honestly, I wasn't working on much, not because I didn't want to but because I didn't know what to work on. I couldn't justify working on yet another API because I would have to come up with what the API did, other than send data back and forth. It needed to be a product otherwise I lost interest. I was also struggling with the lack of purpose in life, a sense of well I can build this API for this client but how does this fulfil me? It doesn't. I love programming, don't get me wrong, I love taking an idea and bringing it to life. I love solving problems, I love to code. I would go to work, do my job and be satisfied that I had done a good days work, but something was missing, something longer-lasting, overall happiness. I needed something that would expand me beyond programming, that would both satisfy my need for a creative outlet but would also expand my programming skills and maybe be interesting enough to keep me hooked long enough to see it completed.

In came the idea of creating a game. I'd never really thought about creating a game before, at university everyone complained about how terrible the subjects were, how pointless the writing tasks they gave you were. As a result, it never really struck me as something that I would enjoy. Coupled with the fact that I never really saw myself as creative. Creating a game is a very creative endeavour, so the longer I thought about it the more I became interested. It could both satisfy me programmatically and allow me to put something into the world that might bring some form of joy to someone else. A true artist will create a painting not for the money but for the joy that it brings someone else and the expression that it allows them to create via a medium outside their head. Our minds are trapped with all sorts of thoughts and feelings and its these creative pursuits that allow you to expel them into the world.

The more I think about life, the more I think that life's purpose is to not only be surrounded by people you truly love and enjoy the company of, but to create things that spark joy in other peoples lives. One thing I'll never forget is the time when I was sitting in a uni class and my friend gets bored, so he decides he wants to create something using get this his finger and the touch screen of a very cheap convertible laptop. By the end of the two-hour tutorial, he had created one of the most beautiful bits of artwork I have ever seen. He didn't have a canvas with thousands of paint colours, he didn't even have an expensive drawing tablet, he simply had his finger and a cheap convertible laptop. I will never get over the painting he created in just two hours. That joy when I saw what he had created is something that I would like to create in someone else. This is what attracts me to game development so much.

Game development requires that you wear many hats. Like a small startup, you have to do a bit of everything. From programming to artistry, you have to be able to at least help out in various areas, because you simply can't afford to hire anyone. Forcing me to expand my knowledge base, to try new things is the only way that I will grow. I thrive off of comfort, the known, rather than the unknown. I struggle with being terrible at something, ESPECIALLY when it comes to art-related projects. I am by no means an artist, in fact, 2 weeks ago I hadn't even painted a picture or drawn since I was in the early years of primary school. Which means that when I attempt to do any of the art it's going to be fucking awful, but that's okay. I need to have that failure of creating something truly horrible to then create it 1% less horrible the next time. This adventure of creating a game from scratch is something that I can't wait to do. Its something that most likely will never return me a single cent in return, in fact, it will probably cost me money but it's not about the money it's about the enjoyment and creating something from nothing. It's also a way to connect and foster friendship with the two friends I'm doing this with.

For me having a creative outlet is something that I need, I write at night and I program by day but having a way to blend the two, as well as work in a team, is something that will bring me untold levels of happiness and might make me pull out my hair, but that's just part of life.